My Biggest Mistake
by Vamprissqueen
Summary: This is something that happened to me in my life between me and my enemy. It just came to me randomly and I think I needed to talk or write about it anyway. If anyone wants to help me by reading it, thanks. By the way, its rated T just for language.
1. The Mistake Itself

**BEFORE YOU READ THIS, LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY FOR MYSELF!!!!**

**Okay, this is based on a true...happening in my lifetime...only in Pokemon version. Yes, this is between me and my...enemy. It was, for me, exactly what the title says: the biggest mistake of my life...and I regret it deeply. But so I was sitting down at my computer the other day (upset once again thanks to my "enemy") and this just...came to me. I really can't say any more (or hope you to understand) until you've read through it. So now you may read it...but please don't think too much less of me afterwards...but I must warn you that this is neither humorous or happy, even. Read only if you wish to understand my situation... **

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

It was the same old same old; another boring day on the road. But as a Pokémon trainer, that's all it was about. On the road 24/7, training with your Pokémon, moving on to Gym after Gym, that was what I did. Of course, I never did care much about my Pokémon themselves. I'm sorry for all you saps out there, but I was never like my pathetic older brother. Pokémon never meant much to me. They were simply there to help me achieve my victories at the different Gyms and then the Elite Four. Then I moved on to other regions and other Gyms. Like I said, I wasn't going to become like my pathetic brother. I don't think of my Pokémon as "friends."

And neither do I have any "friends." I'm not the friendly type, and I'm definitely not the sympathetic type. Sorry, but I just don't care. Actually, I'm not sorry. See, like I said, I just don't care.

But there was one girl who…changed me, I guess you could say. No, I didn't go through a ridiculous "I'm a better person now" change like on all those fake movies. I just mean that she was the only person who ever caused me to break my…stance, as you could say.

Now before you make any assumptions, I didn't "fall in love with her." In fact, what I'm saying is that she caused me to do the exact opposite. She annoyed me. She made me want to smack her. She made me want to insult her 24/7. She drove me to insanity. And I didn't just dislike Dawn; I hated Dawn.

Yes, I mean it. Everything about Dawn just caused me to…hate her. Her preppy, perky, happy mood (the opposite of mine, might I add) made me want to smack her across the face ever time she had the idiotic smile on her face. When she spoke her little catchphrase, "no need to worry!" over and over, it made me just want to shout at her to shut up. Every time she treated her Pokémon like it was…better than anything, I just rolled my eyes. How pathetic. And every time she cried and threw a pity party when she lost, it drove me insane. Not because I felt bad for her, but because I wanted her to just stop and move on. She lost, so what? Train, move on, get better, and then win. That's it. End of story.

Of course, I never did anything about it. I never said anything to her. I ignored her. Except for that one time, that is…

Yes, I exploded at her once. One time! And…this may sound stupid…but it probably changed my life.

_*Flashback*_

I was watching her contest. What else was there to do? I was bored, waiting in the Pokémon Center until the Gym Leader got back from his training session. It was the only thing that was on the screen placed above the counter, where Nurse Joy was busily checking in Pokémon trainers.

Dawn was up for her appeals round in the contest. She looked pumped and ready to go. Overconfident in my opinion. She released her Ambipom with that perky smile on her face.

Yep, definitely overconfident.

Dawn ordered her Ambipom to use swift. The yellow stars surrounded the purple Pokémon's body and I found myself chuckling quietly, a cruel smirk on my face.

She was so foolish. She always thought she knew what she was doing, but honestly, she was definitely in way over her head out there. She didn't even realize that she'd made a major mistake; that overconfident, cocky grin was still plastered onto her face.

I shook my head as she returned Ambipom, having completed her appeal. She was foolish, all right. She was still smiling and acting like she had done the best ever. Obviously she had more work to do, and none of the intelligence to figure that out for herself either.

She left the stage all smiles. But that smile probably faded pretty fast when the results came up and her picture didn't appear on the screen. She was most likely bawling her eyes out backstage. She was such a child.

I didn't see her for a while after that; I didn't bother watching any more of her _embarrassing _contest appeals either. I was sure she lost more after that anyway.

But anyways, when I next saw Dawn, she was still the same; acting like she knew everything about what she was doing, like I was always wrong, like she was always perfect…I was beyond annoyed. So, I did what was natural for me.

I exploded at her. I think I said something along the lines of, "You stupid annoying bitch! Why do you have to get on everyone's nerves with your stupid ranting and self-pity! Grow up already! You lost a couple of contests! Big deal! Move on and get a life!" I said some more insulting stuff too (but it's been too long now for me to remember everything…Oh, and I probably didn't say "bitch" though because, God forbid there be some language on Pokémon while those little kids are watching…)

But as I was saying, I exploded. I shouted at her until she was pretty much on the verge of crying. And you know what? I didn't even feel an ounce of pity. I thought she deserved every ounce of that outburst. I know I'm not normally one to lash out verbally at someone in a blinding fury of anger and annoyance, but you have no idea what Dawn is like. Like I said before, she's too perky for her own good. She needs to grow up. And that's what I was trying to get her to see.

_*End Flashback*_

So that's what happened. It all changed then. She hated my guts more than ever before. And for the longest time, I hated her guts too. But then I had a revelation Yeah, I know what you're all thinking. How could _**I**_have enough heart to have a revelation? Cold, heartless Paul? Well let me tell you what someone (It may have been an Elite Four member…Lucian maybe?) once told me the best advice I'd ever heard: life is too short to hate someone.

But back to this little tale here…My revelation came within half a year. After I had received that advice, and after I realized it was true. And as soon as I realized that, I began to see how…stupid the pointless arguing Dawn and I had every time we met was. Thoughts in my head whirled.

_What was I thinking? Why did I get myself into this? It's so ridiculous! Look at what it's doing to you, to Dawn, to everyone else around you…!_

And I know you're all wondering what I did. I can only say; I tried to fix it. I stopped with the insults, the cruel behavior, the "I-Hate-You" attitude. I hoped that it would just…go away. I hoped the anger and hate would dwindle down to nothing when she saw that I didn't mean it anymore. That I was over it all.

But that wasn't the case…_**isn't**_ the case…

Instead, even to this day, every time _**she**_ sees_**me**_, she's flinging insults at me. When I try to apologize (Wait a second! Me? Apologizing?!), she ignores me, pretends I don't exist. When others, like her friends or my friends, try to get her to listen to me, she simply asks "who?" and walks away. It's impossible for me to talk to her, and she won't listen anyway.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything and nothing's working. And it's been about a year now. I don't know whether to give up or keep trying. I'm thinking more giving up.

And yet, I can't forget that time we all participated in a tag battle, where we picked our partners. As you could probably guess, it ended with Dawn and I being the only two without a partner. But rather then just saying heck with it and being my partner anyway, Dawn made this huge scene about how she didn't want to be partners with me. In the end, we split up another team (two great friends!) just so Dawn didn't have to be my partner.

That made me really see that this was all pointless…stupid…and yet, it continues.

So there you have it. I've tried and I've tried, but I just can't seem to make up for this mistake I've made. The biggest mistake I've made. If I had the power in my now, I would go back and take back what I had said to her. It _**was**_ cruel of me and I realize that now. But I just can't get her to see.

Not only that, but I've come to see, during this year that passed by ever so slowly, that maybe I was wrong completely, from the beginning even. Maybe I had shown her such hatred, been so cruel to her, just to keep her away from me…because I was scared. Maybe the reason I said the things I said and acted the way I did because I was too afraid to admit it…too blind to see it.

Maybe, after all this time, I did what I did because…because I loved her…

Yeah, this whole thing has just been one big mistake. And I'll never make another one like it again.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**I know what you all are thinking: "I thought Lexi HATED Ikarishipping! Why is that in this fic?!" Well, the answer is simple; I didn't think this would work for any other Pokemon couple. Paul is the only one cruel and heartless enough to do anything like that...and I just thought Dawn was the perfect person to get really...afftected by it. If those reasons did not apply, I would never have done this. And don't worry, I still HATE Ikarishipping. **

**Now, the reason Paul is sort of me and Dawn is sort of like my enemy (who is actually a male) is because I couldn't see Dawn doing what I did, exploding ilke that. So I just portrayed my feelings as Paul's, and my enemy's as Dawn's. It just worked better, don't you agree? **

**You're probably also wondering how I could be so horrible...well I agree with you. I WAS horrible. And I regret ever saying what I did to him, but I can't take it back now. And those "problems" Paul is having when he tries to apologize....well that's what is going on right now...even the other day it was happening...*sigh* I'm not sure he'll even listen to me long enough for me to fix this...and I really have to idea how anyway...**

**Well anyway, I just had to get this out here, where no one really knows who I am and can't judge me because of that. So thank you all for your time. **

**- Lex**


	2. What Hurts The Most

**Okay, so I've been asked to continue this on…and it's helping me, so I figured I should. After careful thought as to HOW I could continue this without killing myself too much…this is what I came up with. I hope it lives up to your expectations…it's helped me, so I know it already has lived up to mine. **

**And Meliniumorder...maybe you're right...I...really don't know...s'why I kinda left it open...I guess I've just been giving it some thought and...maybe...heh heh...I really don't know...heh...**

**One more thing, thank you to everyone who took the time to read and review, or just simply took time to read, the first little piece. You guys and girls have helped me through this hard time…so thank you…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon…I never will…**

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I know how it all started…it haunts me every day…and it hasn't ended either. Maybe it will one day; maybe it won't. But I know that the beginning wasn't it…it definitely wasn't it…

I think…maybe…that one…yeah…that memory's the one…definitely the one…

_*Flashback*_

The sky was clear, the sun was shining; everything about the day seemed perky and cheerful…like there was nothing to worry about…like there were no problems in the world. Everyone I saw on the street was smiling and laughing, enjoying this bright, sunny day; the first one we'd seen in a while. It had been raining continuously for over a week. During that time, the sun was hidden, leaving a dark shadow over the world. But that was my kind of weather. This sunny, bright, cheerful crap weather…I hated it. It made me sick. The world _isn't_ bright and cheery, but it _is_ dark and cruel. That's it.

I sighed and, turning my back on the sun, continued on my way towards the Arena, following the directions given to me by the town's Nurse Joy. (Why do they have one in every city? Seriously? And WHY would you name all of them the same? WHAT were their parents thinking?!) But anyways, the Arena was supposed to be holding some kind of tag battle, and I decided, since I had nothing better to do, that this would be a good chance to give my newest Pokémon a taste of battle.

Finding the Arena wasn't hard; it was exactly where Nurse Joy (again, why?!?!) said it would be. A lot of trainers had showed up for it, too. And I guess I should have expected it. I should have _known_ THEY would show up. I should have known **SHE** would show up. And there she was, standing there with her two friends, in line in front of the sign up table.

_Calm down_, I told myself. _Just because she's here doesn't mean things will get ugly. _Man, was I wrong…

Still, I fought the urge to turn and run, and instead, got in line as well. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief when she and her friends went inside. It was good that Dawn didn't notice me. I didn't feel like making a scene in front of all these trainers.

I signed up quickly, wanting to get inside and just hide in the back of the crowd, in the shadows. I stepped inside the Arena (wow, it was bigger than I had expected) and, not seeing her anywhere (phew…), stood at the back of a crowd that had gathered. That stupid cheery sunlight was pouring in through the dome's open roof. I wondered absently if they had closed it while it was raining.

It wasn't long after that that the event started. The announcer (she seemed familiar…what was her name again…?) stepped up onto a raised platform and called everyone to her attention.

"Welcome!" her voice boomed. I realized why; she was wearing a microphone headset of some sort. "In a few moments, we will begin the Tag Battle. First, however, I must explain the rules to all of you and how to begin. This tag battle is different than others; here you get to choose your partner rather than being randomly paired with someone else. So, you all may now take a few minutes to select your partner." She smiled and the then there was much talking and chatting, people deciding who they would be paired with. I didn't really know anyone, so I just figured I'd hang in the back and be paired with whoever was left over.

All I can say is this: my luck sucks…

It turns out (of course…), that the one who was left was…_**her**_.

She was looking around, clueless, most likely wondering who she would be partnered with. I saw her two friends were partnered together; she must have let them. Wishing someone would kill me, I stepped out from the back. She turned and saw me.

And that's when all hell broke loose…

Okay…I exaggerate…but it seemed like it was close to it!

She saw me, and her eyes narrowed, glaring at me. I really did NOT like where this was going…

She shook her head and turned towards the announcer (what WAS her name?!?!). "I can't do this," she said, shaking her head again. "I can't work with _**him**_." I hated the way she spat out the word; like it was poison or something.

"I'm sorry," the announcer said, "but everyone else appears to already have a partner…"

"I'll be her partner," I said, my voice full of more confidence than I felt. I knew it would be all hell if I really DID end up as her tag battle partner. We would lose in the first round…or kill each other before it even began…

"Can't you be his partner?" the announcer asked Dawn. She was still acting like a kindergarten teacher who was trying to stop two students who weren't sharing a toy or something…

"I won't!" Dawn pretty much screamed. "I CAN'T be HIS partner! Being able to pick your partner means you should be able to be paired with someone you CAN work with! I CAN'T work with him! He's a jerk and he doesn't even deserve to HAVE a partner! I can't STAND him! I HATE HIS GUTS!"

The announcer glanced at me with that look…like she was evaluating me or something…she probably thought I was a terrible person by now…

"I can't…I can't…I CAN'T!" Dawn screamed. There was no trace of backing down in her voice. She wasn't going to back down…and she wasn't going to partner up with me. The defiance on her face screamed "no way!"

"You don't have to participate in this competition," the announcer said calmly, once again acting like the kindergarten teacher…not even that…more like preschool… "But that would mean you would be forcing this young gentleman to not be able to participate either."

Dawn glared at me…like it was MY fault all this was going on. SHE was the one making all the fuss…

Meanwhile, the crowd of trainers was staring at us. None of them spoke and…wait…was that _sympathy_ on that brunette girl's face…? How pathetic. She probably thinks I'm a jerk too…her and her blonde friend there…sympathetic with Dawn…PATHETIC! Do you hear me?! PA-THE-TIC!

"Hold on," the brunette stepped forward. Great, what's she gonna do? Cuss me out?

"We'll split up," her partner said. Yeah I knew they…wait…WHAT did she say?

The announcer turned to them. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"We're sure," they said together.

_Wait,_ I thought, _they're going to split themselves up…just because of Dawn's tantrum. Does that mean…does that mean that sympathetic look WASN'T directed towards Dawn…? No! They can't…! That's stupid! They're pathetic! Dammit! Say something, Paul! Don't just stand there! You don't HAVE to participate! You can sit this tag battle out! _

But in the end, I _didn't_ say anything. As much as I told myself I should, I knew that I WANTED to participate in the tag battle…so I didn't say anything. Even as the brunette became my partner, after sadly glancing at her blonde friend, who partnered herself with Dawn…even as the announcer continued on to explain the rules…even as the first of the battles commenced. It all just seemed so…stupid…pathetic…

_Look what you've done, Paul, _I thought. _You've created a monster…a monster that hates you…You made one mistake…but it hasn't just affected your own life…or Dawn's for that matter. These two girls who split themselves up just so that you could participate and not have to be partnered with Dawn…What is WRONG with you?!_

For once in my life, I felt bad. I felt cruel. Evil. Completely heartless. Dawn and I had split up these two friends…just because we don't like each other…just because we _hate_ each other.

That _is_ cruel.

I couldn't talk to her. Throughout the entire tag battle, I only looked at my partner once. I couldn't bring myself to do anything more. I was too upset by this…turn of events. I could hardly focus on the tag battles. They were a blur before my eyes…

Somehow, though, we managed to make it through battle after battle. Don't ask me how…I couldn't tell you the answer. It may have been because of my partner…I don't know.

I do know, however, that the semi-final battle was between me and my partner…and Dawn and hers. Rage boiled inside me as the battle started. That battle was an even bigger blur than all the others because of that rage, I think. All I can say is this: we won. Dawn was crushed. She was glaring at me more than ever by the end. But you know what…I almost made me feel better. It's what she deserved after what she made those two girls do…

The final battle wasn't as…blurry. My partner and I were against Dawn's two friends. We were kicking their butt. It was almost too easy, really…but that wasn't what made me always remember that battle.

Halfway through, movement caught my eye. It was Dawn leaving the stands. Later on, people who had been sitting near her at the time said she had stormed away muttering something like "I can't watch this" under her breath.

Her two friends were hurt. Everyone thought she was being overly dramatic. I decided not to care much…

And, with that victory against Dawn's friends, the tag battle came to a close. I never saw that brunette again…but it always haunts me…what she and her friends did…

_*End Flashback*_

Yeah…that memory definitely hurts the most…

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**Well, that's it…one of the most painful, haunting memories in my mind…**

**Of course, I had to Pokémon-ify it so it didn't happen quite like that…actually, it's a combination of two memories. One happened in videography, just like in the beginning of the tag battle. We were picking groups so my friend and I paired up. Of course, there had to be groups of four or three and, just my luck, it ended up with my…enemy and another boy being left over. The four of us were going to be forced into a group, but HE wouldn't hear it…I don't remember exactly what he said (I kinda made it up in this version) but only that it hurt…and we ended up the exact same way: we split another group up. My friend and I got to stick together, but a girl from another group had to leave that group and join us so that we would be a group of three. Then HE got to go with another group of three. **

**That was the very first videography class I had…and I can't ever forget the look the teacher gave me. I hoped that she didn't think I was a bad student or a poor worker, so I tried my hardest to prove that I was a good partner. I think it worked…but…I really don't know for sure. **

**And the girl that was forced into our group…I feel so bad because I could TELL that she would have had more fun in the group she had originally chosen…rather than being paired with us. I always feel like it's my fault…and I guess it is…**

**But anyway, the other memory was actually during that play (you know, the one I told you about that held me up editing my other story, Pokéchats…). I was rehearsing my singing line with the director, making sure it was ready for the show (opening night was that Friday) and everyone else was backstage. When I came backstage after rehearsing, HE wasn't around. Everyone told me he left saying that he couldn't listen to me…he "couldn't stand it"…that hurt too…**

**But hey, don't worry about me! That's the past now…and this may never get any better…but over time, I've learned to deal with it. I'm okay! But thanks for hearing my out, I guess. I know I've said it a lot, but it helps…a lot. So thanks, and I really mean it. **

**Oh…and yes…I do realize that the title of this little chappie IS the same as that Rascal Flatts song…heh…It just seemed to fit, I guess…**

**But anyway, that's all I got for now…if I need to vent out some more, I guess I'll add some more chappies then…that is, if you all will take the time to read them…**

**Heh heh! I can't say this enough…so…**

**Thank you!**

**- Lex **


	3. Three Painful Words

**The newest installment...**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

It was raining. That should have been enough of a warning for me.

I walked through the rain to the market. I didn't care much about raid, didn't mind walking it. Actually, I find rain quite calming…most of the time.

I entered through the sliding doors and walked straight to the back, to the frozen goods. I had decided to treat myself to something nice today; a special treat. My eyes glanced over all the frozen cakes, ice cream bars, cookies, and finally settled on the perfect thing: a little chocolate cupcake. Perfect.

I purchased the little cake and left the store, back out into the rain. It was only sprinkling now, not a hard as it had been a few minutes ago. I shook my head. The weather is so weird.

I headed back to the Pokémon Center, most likely to just sit there and enjoy my little treat. I was almost to the door when I saw HER coming out of the Contest Hall a little farther up the road. Dawn made a face at the rain before heading towards the Pokémon Center herself. In a few seconds, she would spot me.

I decided that today, everything would change. Today was a special day; it HAD to change.

Sure enough, Dawn spotted me mere seconds later, making an even more disgusted face. She turned to walk into the Pokémon Center.

"Dawn, wait," I took a deep breath, silently praying that she would turn and listen to me, for once. To my surprise, Dawn DID turn. She glared at me and crossed her arms.

"What?" she spat.

"Look," I sighed, "how many times do I have to apologize? How long will it take before we finally stop this stupid feud? It isn't just affecting the two of us only anymore. You saw what happened at that tag battle a while back…with those two girls who had split up…this is getting out of hand. So…I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

Dawn rolled her eyes and turned her back to me, heading towards the door of the Pokémon Center again.

Man, she was just something else…

"Dawn!" My voice rose some. I couldn't help it; I was getting pissed. "Can't you see what's going on? Don't you know this needs to end? I'm TRYING to end it! Okay?! I'm S-O-R-R-Y! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm SORRY!

"Geez, you just like bunting into everyone's business, don't you?"

_What?_

Dawn turned to face me; she was still glaring. "Huh? Do you? God, what the HELL is your problem? I don't even know what you're trying to apologize for! You're such an ass! Your whole attitude! You whole PERSONALITY! I don't know what you're trying to apologize for! Because you didn't do ANYTHING wrong…you did EVERYTHING wrong! You're just…full of mistakes! You just can't do ANYTHING right, can you?! Huh?! HUH?! See? I didn't think so! You ARE a mistake! And get this through your thick, better-than-everyone-else head: I HATE YOU! There's nothing you can do about it! Nothing will EVER change! I hate you just because you're YOU! Got it? Good! Good-bye." On that note, she turned and walked into the Pokémon Center…well, more like stormed in.

I blinked.

_What…?_

"_I don't know what you're trying to apologize for…! I HATE YOU! There's nothing you can do about it! Nothing will EVER change! __**I hate you just because you're YOU!**__"_

If you've ever heard those words said to you before, I sympathize with you. If not, well, you don't know how lucky you are…

It started to rain harder.

I blinked again, standing there in the rain. Was that it? Is there no end, then?

"_I hate you just because you're YOU!"_

So all this time, I had been apologizing for nothing? Wasting my breath? She hadn't heard a word of it…she didn't get it. She just hated me…because I was me.

There's nothing I can do about that. I can't just change who I am…and if I didn't do or say anything to make her hate me…then WHY does she hate me. What about me makes her hate me?

"_Geez, you just like bunting into everyone's business, don't you?" _

Was that it? Is that what she thought?

DO I bunt into everyone's business?

"_You ARE a mistake!"_

My mind was blank…I couldn't think…what…what just happened? She said I was a mistake…that everything I did was a mistake…but…how? What…what did I do…?

Was this it? Is there no end, then? Will this feud, this…hatred…always continue between us? Will it never end?

"_Nothing will EVER change!"_

But…how did it begin? I had to have done something…said something…something like that can't just…happen…can it?

I felt a dead weight in my left hand and, glancing down, I remembered what I had bought in the store. Maybe today was special…but not THAT special as to end the feud. I felt stupid. I WAS stupid for believing it could just end, right then and there.

I reached my hand into the bag, I removed the little chocolate cake, stuffing the empty bag in my pocket. Nah…today wasn't that special.

All this was a waste of time…a waste of breath…what a way for this day to play out…

Those three painful words lingered in my mind as I gazed down.

"_I hate you!"_

"Happy Birthday, Paul…" I muttered to myself. I tilted my hand, and let the little cake slide out of my hand, smacking down hard onto the soaked street below. Then, I turned around and walked away.

Happy Birthday, indeed…

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**They really ARE three painful words…I sympathize with anyone who's heard them before…by someone who truly meant it…and like it says in my little story here…if you haven't heard them…you don't know how lucky you are…**

**- Lex**


End file.
